That time I tried a spin class

 Okay, story time friends. A couple years ago, early in my marriage I was going to the gym to kill time. I didn't have a job and we just moved to a new Army post that had an awesome gym. One day, for what ever crazy reason I thought I would try a spin class.

Biggest.
Mistake.
Ever.

I thought it would be easy. I mean, it looked easy enough. Get on the bike. Pedal, sweat, go home. I was wrong, y'all. So, so, sooo wrong.

First- I walk in and I'm already intimidated. There is a man in the front with all his biking gear on and a microphone taped to his face.
"Pick a seat in the back, that way no one can see you" was my logic.
Luckily there were still a couple bikes back there, I think a few other ladies had my same idea.
I throw one leg over and go to straddle this contraption. OUCH! Wtf, did I just sit on a cement block?! Oh- nope, just the seat. The extremely SMALL seat, at that.
If I wasn't dedicated at the time I would have walked out right then, those seats were not made for woman with butt cheeks I'm convinced.
So the lights dim (thank you Jesus) and I board the struggle bus, destination - Fitness Hell.
The man yells something in the mic that I can't comprehend and all the ladies start to pedal. Oh got it.. we're starting.
Ah, just like i thought easy peasy. Then he mumbles something again and the women cheer.. and begin to stand up while pedaling. I hadn't done that motion since I was a child. While I tried to figure out my balance they start going up and down. Up and down. While pedaling. Like it's easy or something. My legs were on FIRE! I could barely hold myself up.
When I tell you this next part, I am not even kidding.
I looked around, looked at the door, looked at the instructor (who was probably laughing at me on the inside) and decided this was my time to get out of there. Spin was not for me.
How do I walk out of here with out looking like a total joke since we're not even five minutes into the class. Legs still on fire, probably about break off, I decide I can't take anymore.
I causally get off my bike, the other women are still having a blast, spinning away, as I try to invisibly walk out.
The instruction says- "hey! Where ya going!"
Seriously. Insert biggest eye roll ever.
I'm on the spotlight. Now all these biker chicks have undivided attention on me and have stopped cheering.

"Oh, I'm just going to use the bathroom" as I slide out of the door and book it down the hall. Well, probably more like waddled from a mixture of the stone seat I had sat on and the assault my legs just took. I guess I should have told him I was going to use the bathroom.. at my house.

And that is how my first spin class went. All two minutes. Not an exaggeration, that's the time. They had a huge digital clock in the room. Yep, two minutes of my body screaming "why are you doing this to me!" It felt like an eternity though.

I learned a valuable lesson that day. Spin class is not for me. It's not just like riding a bike. It's not relaxing. It's for crazy people, who enjoy unusual torture.