Adjusting as a Mother

Whether you just had your first baby, or your third there is definitely an adjustment period women go through as they transition into a mother.  It can be easy for some momma's and super challenging for others. I have been on both of these sides.

With my first child, I had a very easy pregnancy (looking back in hindsight) and in my opinion a very chill little baby. *wish that would have carried over into the toddler years! ha!* She put herself on a routine and schedule that was easy to follow, I was never sleep deprived and for the most part she made becoming a mother very easy. I thought to myself, "what are all these women complaining about, babies are easy!". Even though I was doing it alone due to a deployed husband it really was not a huge adjustment for me. If you think I am just bragging, keep reading, I promise it was not always this easy for me.

Our second baby presented a few challenges being premature. While we were lucky that she was perfectly healthy and just came early- the girl hated to sleep, and she still does! This is when I started to realize what other moms were talking about. EVERYTHING that was easy about Kyler, was hard about Charlee. Complete opposites to say the least.

For me, going from ONE child to TWO was not learning how to get out of the house on time, or getting them to nap together. It was about learning to spread ALL my love from one little girl to now TWO. I remember laying in the hospital bed hugging Kyler before I had Charlee and this HUGE wave of guilt rushed over me. Almost as if I was doing something wrong, or betraying her. Of course I loved Charlee, she is my child but I had to learn how to share my love and attention that was once only focused on a blue eyed little girl. I had to learn a new baby and their quirks, I had to teach my toddler that she was a big sister and we don't throw apples at our baby sister's head. This was me adjusting into a mother of two.

The real kicker was baby three. Although I didn't feel the guilt I did before, this time I was ready and excited. What I didn't know was that I wasn't really ready. I was excited the entire pregnancy to welcome our baby boy, Colt, into our family. Our girls knew a baby was coming as my belly grew, they went to ultrasounds with us and got to excited to hear his heartbeat. It truly was a magical thing to witness the innocence of a toddler's excitement over a new baby.

I had my son when my husband was deployed, AGAIN. Colt is the easiest baby I have ever had. He sleeps well, he breastfed well, he didn't fuss. I was blessed again. What I wasn't ready for was the overwhelming feeling of pressure. Taking care of two toddlers and a newborn alone is very, very trying. I couldn't get anywhere I needed to be on time. I was constantly feeding one kid, changing the other, calming one down, making snacks for another. I was overwhelmed to say the least. VERY overwhelmed.

I stopped going places if I didn't need to. I
started eating and feeding my girls A LOT of fast food. I'd leave to go to the store just to get away from them almost every chance I got. I would think about my husband and cry. Honestly, I did a lot of crying. I could be pumping my breast and burst out in tears. I was in over my head, but I wouldn't admit it to anyone. I have family who lives with me but I felt like a burden to ask for help. I would loose my temper with my girls over stupid things. I hated who I was becoming and no one knew it but me. Looking back I realize I had some PPD.

I was very lucky that those feelings passed, my husband came home from deployment, my hormones leveled out and today my days are much, much smoother. Do I have hard days? You bet your tail I do! I have a almost two year old who thinks our home is a obstacle course, and a three year old who I am sure is PMS'ing (she comes by it honest). My saving grace though is the unconditional love I get from those turds. Lord knows they don't take it easy on me, but I am keeping up some how.

We portray becoming a mother as this beautiful process, and while it totally is- its okay to admit that sometimes its NOT always pretty. Its not always easy, we do struggle. The adjustments are not the same for everyone, and thats OKAY. I think of myself as a pretty seasoned momma, and even I had a learning curve when it came to being a mom of three. Hell, one I am still learning about.

At the end of the day though, you are exactly what your child needs as a mother. No one could ever do a better job than you. Being a mother will never be easy, there are things I am sure we will be adjusting to for years to come. So whether its your first or third, be easy on yourself and ask for help when you need it.