The struggle is REAL! I have three children, three years old and under. And while everyone may think my days are spent frolicking in the park on our latest play date or eating bon-bons on the couch while my children quietly play in the next room, I assure you ... THAT. IS. NOT. THE. CASE.
My two year old insist on giving me a heart attack daily and my three year old is a walking mess of emotion. If one isn't climbing the bookshelf, the other is hysterical because she has nipples. There is no in between, it's one chaotic mess after another. All day long. My only saving grace of sanity is a chubby five month old who throws up on me every twenty minutes.
If this doesn't paint the perfect picture of craziness in my life well enough for you, let me break it down.
7:00am The baby usually wakes up. He is a pretty happy baby, so I let him lay in the pack and play in hopes the older spawns will sleep until 7:30 or 8:00. Sometimes I sleep with them, other times I go to the bathroom alone. The only opportunity I'll have all day likely.
8:00am The girls are up. I beg them to eat something for breakfast. They refuse. Only a cup of milk and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse reruns we've been watching for two years will do.
8:30am they are distracted enough that I can pick up around the house.. I usually get everything cleaned up until I hit the laundry bomb that exploded in my room.
8:31am Close the bedroom door and consider burning the house down so I never have to do laundry again.
8:35am decide against arson... today.
9:00am Remind myself I need to eat breakfast.. feed the baby, bribe the girls into breakfast. Still forget to feed myself.
10:00am One is begging to finger paint. The other is running around naked. We negotiate to color instead.
10:30am Silence in the playroom. Baby asleep on my chest. The instant mom intuition kicks in- they are up to no good.
10:32 summon oldest into playroom. Marker covers her from toes to nose. In runs the little one, she's blue.
11:00am Wipe both off with 2736282 baby wipes, and now their starving from refusing food earlier. Time to make their favorite meal, "I don't like that!".
12:00am Somedays they eat lunch, other days they each couch snacks. Ya know, the little bits that fell into the cracks.
12:30am Every toy that I cleaned up earlier is back in the living room. Milk spilled in the kitchen. The dog is eating their lunch. Why do I even clean?
1:00pm 3:00pm FORCED NAP TIME. Aka mommy heaven, lots of baby brother chest snuggles. Reality television shows and all the food I didn't want to share with the vultures.
3:05pm The spawns awaken. Cranky.
3:05-3:25pm Cry about everything while I attempt to figure out what exactly is wrong.
3:30pm Trolls. Moana. Minions whatever tickles their fancy and a smorgasbord of snacks to calm the hangry storm.
4:00-5:00pm Somewhere between this time my husband comes home and everyone acts like little angels because, well..Daddy is awesome.
5:30pm -7:00 We get ready, go to the gym and I get TWO glorious hours of alone time, time to take my aggression out from the terrors of toddlers. Yet I oddly miss them? What is wrong with me!
7:30pm Dinner time. If they are starving they will eat. But it has to be the food off MY plate. Their food is for the dog, duh.
8:00pm Bath time, again. The easiest part of my day. Unless of course the little one needs her hair washed. Then it's like alligator wrestling in my very own bathroom. Maybe I could start charging an entry fee and inviting others?
8:30pm We roll into bed and listen to "you are my sunshine" on repeat. For. Thirty. Minutes. This is when the two year old wants to spill all her secrets in her special toddler language, wake the baby up, and then throw a huge fit so she can cry herself to sleep.
9:00-10:00pm mandatory stay up even though I am exhausted because I need some silence for my sanity, time.
If you see me crying in the corner of my bathroom waving a white flag, join me or hug me- just don't judge me! This gig is hard. Mommin' ain't easy, baby.
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