When I became pregnant with my third child I was anything but excited. We were on the verge of a cross country move, deployment pending upon arrival, and I just was not ready to have another baby. I was not even sure that i wanted more than two at the time. I was okay with the idea of only having two babies, especially since they were sleeping through the night.
My husband and I have a joke that we have a nine month "curse". We have always gotten pregnant when the older baby is 9 months old. So it came as no surprise that when Charlee was nine months old I became pregnant with Colt.
D was excited, supportive and ready for baby number three. Me on the other hand, I took some convincing. I was worried about what other people would say about us having ANOTHER baby. I was worried about disappointing our families. I was worried about my sanity having three kids, three and under. Honestly, I did not want to be pregnant.
Luckily those feelings started to vanish away as my belly grew and I could see the excitement grow in my oldest daughter. Unlike before, this time she knew what was happening. She understood there was a baby growing in mommy's belly and our family was expanding. She will never know how much she helped me during this time in my life. A time I was struggling to love my own child.
I know, I know- you are probably judging me hardcore right now. But I never said I was perfect, and being a mother is hard work. I am human and I was scared of the journey I was embarking on. Now, before you go and pull the "you should have been on birth control" card on me, in my defense BC sends me into a Crohn's flare, any time hormones are involved... actually you know what- no. I am not going to defend or explain my choices on why I was not on birth control. Sorry. Back to the story.
I really thought we were having a baby girl. I mean, we already had two and so far in the gender gamble we were 0 and 2. I was fine with that, I knew girls. I understood girls. They have cute clothes, shoes, bows this was my comfort zone. Another little girl was a-okay with me!
Then, laying on a bed, on a random afternoon with our daughter, extended family and parents on Facetime we found out. The technician said "Okay, I know what you are having", I anxiously waited for her to type on the screen the gender-
ITS
A
...
BOY!!
Tears ran down my face, excitement BURST inside of me. A little boy, wow. What a completion to our perfect family. Finally, I get to experience this boy mom love my friends talk about. What a blessing.
They were so right too. From the moment they placed him in my arms I melted. My little boy. He is the most loving, chill, smiley, little guy I have ever had the chance to love. I didn't know a little boy could be so sweet. Anyone he meets he greets them with a wide, gummy smile. He loves to love.
I pray that he is forgiving when he hears stories of our time together in the beginning when pregnant. I truly had no idea what I was in store for. The love this little boy has brought not only my husband and I but our daughters makes me so emotional. If you want to give your child the ultimate gift, give them the gift of a sibling.
I know there will be hard times ahead, I am sure he will test my limits and patience like only a boy can. I know there are messes to come, ouchies to kiss, and girls to chase off. Luckily, I have help of the big sisters with that one.
I may not always be the perfect mother, but I know I will love him perfectly for the rest of my life.
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